Are You the Perfect Proverbs 31 Wife?

I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with the 31st chapter of the book of Proverbs.

I mean, talk about a flawless woman! She must be imaginary, right?

And really, is this chapter even fair to women? It was written by a guy, after all.

Take a quick refresher if you haven’t read verses 10-31 of this chapter in awhile:

An excellent wife, who can find?
For her worth is far above jewels.
The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.
She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
She looks for wool and flax
And works with her hands in delight.
She is like merchant ships;
She brings her food from afar.
She rises also while it is still night
And gives food to her household
And portions to her maidens.
She considers a field and buys it;
From her earnings she plants a vineyard.
She girds herself with strength
And makes her arms strong.
She senses that her gain is good;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hands grasp the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
And she stretches out her hands to the needy.
She is not afraid of the snow for her household,
For all her household are clothed with scarlet.
She makes coverings for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies belts to the tradesmen.
Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future.
She opens her mouth in wisdom,
And the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
She looks well to the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
Her children rise up and bless her;
Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:
“Many daughters have done nobly,
But you excel them all.”
Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.
Give her the product of her hands,
And let her works praise her in the gates.

Every. single. time. I read those verses, I find myself thinking:

–I’m not so good at that.
–Hmm, don’t do that.
–Nope, not scoring real high on that one either.
–I don’t even like doing that.

These verses make me think. Really they do. And I know that they are in the Scriptures for a reason, to give us a guide, to be thought-provoking and full of truth, and to fit into the larger picture of how each of us serve God with our gifts. All Scripture is profitable and useful.

Yet when I look at these descriptions of the oh-so-perfect Proverbs 31 wife, it reminds me again that I’m definitely not always accomplished in these areas:

• Working with eager hands {because sometimes I feel lazy or don’t do things with a good attitude}
• Selecting and buying only the most thought-out items {because sometimes I can be frivolous}
• Getting up while it is still dark {um, what?}
• Vigorously cleaning my home {because I have four children. Enough said.}
• Serving others lovingly {because many times I think of myself first}

You see, no matter how much I strive to be like this ideal wife, who has amazing qualities and yet has no name, I will always fall short.

So will you.

Because the truth is, there is something these proverbs will never do. They will never encourage us or bring us comfort. They will push and challenge us, and rightfully so, but reading this chapter will not give us peace. Why?

Because these words are law. The law convicts our hearts, keeps us in line and shows us what we must do.

So what’s a not-so-perfect girl to do? Enter the grace of God.

The riches of God through Christ–the glorious gospel message–is what brings me respite from the pressure I put myself under to “perform”. There is no task I can do on my own to earn my salvation, make myself better in God’s sight or be the perfect woman. 

Instead, when I receive God’s mercy and grace, He redeems me from myself and gives to me His Spirit that will “work in me, both to will and to work for His good pleasure” {Philippians 2:13}. What joy that brings to this discouraged and exhausted mom and wife! The gospel is the true source of peace! 

It’s funny, because I never go to this passage with the intent to recognize my inadequacy, only to improve upon myself. Yet I’m learning that even though my aspirations of being a loving wife, shopping wisely, keeping a clean home, ministering to others and raising my kids right are all very good goals, my true joy must be found in the Lord.  

This truth is for you, the woman, the mom, the wife….who feels inadequate, tired and like she’s always pushing for perfection but is somehow coming up short.  

I’m praying that this will encourage you to find peace today. Lean on the Lord. Rest in His grace. Give Him your burdens and failures. Jesus’ yoke is easy and his burden light! And then let Him transform you, little by little, into His image.  

Are you the perfect Proverbs 31 wife? 

That’s okay, I’m not either.