Hope for the Mom Who Has Had an Abortion

Welcome to 31 Days of Hope for Moms! To see all the posts in the series, click here!

Today’s post is a powerful testimony from my dear friend Sarah at My Joy-Filled Life. She is a mother, like many others, who has gone through an abortion. Here is her redemption story.

Half of pregnancies among American women are unintended, and four in 10 of these are terminated by abortion.  Twenty-one percent of all pregnancies (excluding miscarriages) end in abortion.  At least half of American women will experience an unintended pregnancy by age 45, and at 2008 abortion rates, one in 10 women will have an abortion by age 20, one in four by age 30 and three in 10 by age 45. (Source)

These abortion statistics are unimaginable.  It’s hard to believe that these numbers are so high.  But behind each and every one of these numbers, there is a woman, a story.

Many of these women will someday come to regret their decision.  It may be days later, weeks later, or it could even be years later when they wish they could turn back time and do things differently.

I am one of these women.

And there are far too many women like me.  And so many of them are hurting and need healing.  So many of them need to know that they are not alone, that their feelings are justifiable, and that there is hope and forgiveness in Jesus Christ.

I was young when I had an abortion and the regret and hurt didn’t hit me until years later. Eight years after my abortion, I found Jesus Christ, surrendered my life to Him, and He saved me.  And He forgave me!

For me, it was easy to accept the Lord’s forgiveness, as it is given so freely.  What was difficult for me was forgiving myself.

Great, the Lord has forgiven me, so all is well with Him, but how can I possibly live with myself?  With this decision that I made that I can never take back?  It disgusted me to think I could do such a heartless, selfish thing to my own child.  It literally made me sick to my stomach.  Sometimes I would even wonder why He allowed me to have more children, when clearly I didn’t deserve them.

It wasn’t until a few years later, when I was further along in my walk with the Lord and deepening my relationship with Him, that I realized that by NOT forgiving myself, I wasn’t truly accepting the Lord’s forgiveness. 

He died on the cross for. my. (and your) sins!  The blood He shed covers up our sins and makes them white as snow (Isaiah 1:18).  By not forgiving myself, I was saying that what Jesus did on the cross for me didn’t matter, that it wasn’t enough.

But it is enough!  When I came to this revelation, I was finally able to forgive myself. 

But I wasn’t completely at peace yet.  What about my child?  Would the baby I aborted be able to forgive me?

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the Lord will take care of me. Psalm 27:10

I have turned to Psalm 27:10 many times for comfort.  It is so reassuring to know that my baby is safe in the arms of Jesus and that one day we will be together again.  The poem below has also been helpful –

One Day

For a very short time so long ago,

You lived inside me heart and soul.

I let them tear you away from me,

A day I’ll regret for eternity.

But I found a peace, forgiveness, and love,

It came one day from the Lord above.

Now I know He was always there,

Holding you warmly in His loving care.

So don’t cry my little one, be not afraid,

A place for me, our Christ has made.

To be with you, one day, on High,

To join you, hold you as eternity goes by.

The love and joy that fills my heart

For that one day when we will never be apart

– Unknown Source

I can only reassure myself that yes, my baby has forgiven me.  My baby is in heaven with Jesus and has a heart like Jesus.  I even wrote a letter to my baby asking for forgiveness.  And I want to share a response to that letter that a kind reader wrote, because if you’ve had an abortion and are hurting, I hope this response will give you some hope and peace as it did for me.  I am forever grateful to this kind soul for taking the time to write this –

Dear Mommy,

I love you. I am here with Jesus and it is so perfect!! I like to run around and laugh. There are beautiful angels and we dance before the Throne! We sing praises always and Jesus has the biggest, greatest smile ever! He also has a very loud laugh when I tell Him something funny. He holds my hands sometimes and swings me around! He’s the best Dad in the world! He told me about you, Mommy. He told me you were scared and you made a wrong choice. I don’t really understand but He tells me that He has seen every tear that you have cried for me and even now He comforts you even though you can’t see Him. I love that Jesus takes care of me AND you!! Jesus says that you will come to see me one day! I’m so excited! I’ll be sure to be right next to Him when you get here. After you hug Jesus and He wipes your tears away I’m going to jump into your arms and hold you a long time! Jesus says you need to take care of my brothers and sisters first, so I can wait!! I love you, Mommy! I love you so much! Happy Mother’s Day!!

Love,

~Your Precious Child~