Welcome to 31 Days of Hope for Moms! To see all the posts in the series, click here!
Today’s post is a guest post from my friend Amanda at Bless Your Heart and Home. Although some women who are struggling with infertility have not yet been able to conceive, there are also moms, like Amanda, who struggle with seasons of infertility and pregnancy loss. We hope this ministers to women in both situations.
My husband and I have been through the ups and downs of infertility and pregnancy loss for 8 years. Since beginning this very difficult journey, God has blessed us with a beautiful, healthy 2-year-old boy, as well as two children that I miscarried and that wait for us in heaven with the Lord.
Through times of depression and grief, anger and sadness, heartbreak and pain, God has not only abounded to us in comfort, but He has also increased our hope in Him, our joy in His promises, our faith in His word, and our love for the Savior.
By knowing and believing the truths of Scripture, I find hope to boldly trust in the Lord, fully assured of His word and will concerning infertility. I want to share with you six truths from God’s word regarding infertility and pregnancy loss, praying that you who are grieving infertility can walk in hope and peace and full confidence by knowing God’s truth and trusting His sovereign heart of love.
1. Biblically, infertility is not uniquely associated with sin.
- We live in a world that groans under the strain of The Fall — and our bodies are no exception. We endure illness, disease, and death, none of which will cease until Christ redeems our bodies from this fallen world.
Infertility seems to most often be a cause of living in a human body this side of the Garden of Eden.
However, well-meaning Christians have challenged me that my infertility may be a result of unconfessed sin in my life or discipline from the Lord. While I agree that sin can lead to sickness and even death (James 5:16; Acts 5:1-11; 1 Corinthians 11:27-30), and harbored sin in our hearts can hinder our prayers (Psalm 66:18), in the Bible, infertility is not uniquely associated with unconfessed sin in our lives.
Rather, infertility is most often associated with displaying the glory of God.
A dear friend once brought to my attention the account of Zacharias and Elizabeth. In their old age, this barren couple was chosen to be the miracle-parents of John the Baptist. Look and see what truth God conveys here in Luke 1:6-7: “[Zacharias and Elizabeth] were both righteous in the sight of God, walking blamelessly in all the commandments and requirements of the Lord. But they had no child, because Elizabeth was barren, and they were both advanced in years.”
Elizabeth was righteous in God’s sight. She was blameless. And she was barren.
If God is convicting you of personal sin, then confess it to Him. But do not fall for the guilt-trap that your barrenness is because you’re not good enough to have a child, or that you just need to try harder to please and impress God, or that God has forgotten you and doesn’t care about you. He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7), and this path He has chosen for you is about Him, and it’s about His glory.
2. We were created in Him for HIS purpose and HIS glory.
- Since I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was to grow up, get married, and have children…lots of children! As my twenties began to fade, I realized that my life wasn’t happening the way that I had planned. I grieved the loss of life-dreams and hopes as well as grieving the loss of miscarried children.
I wanted to bring God glory more than I wanted anything else….but I really wanted to do it my way!
However, since eternity past, God had predestined me according to HIS purpose. He had chosen me to the praise of HIS glory (Ephesians 1:3-14). He saved me for HIS own purpose and grace (2 Timothy 1:9).
And so, He is teaching my wandering heart to trust Him and to yield my life and my dreams to Him. For me personally, this has involved a lot of prayer, a lot of sleepless nights, and a lot of tears, but it has also involved grace upon grace being applied to my heart by the Holy Spirit. “…while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen…” 2 Corinthians 4:18.
3. God really loves you.
- Remember Calvary. Remember the sacrifice of the Son of God on your behalf.
“He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?” Romans 8:32.
When you doubt His love, when you wonder if He’s forgotten you, or when you just don’t feel anything at all anymore, turn your eyes upon Jesus. Believe the love that God displayed by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be crucified at the hands of ruthless and wicked men. Trust Jesus, the One who loved you and gave Himself up for you (Galatians 2:20).
4. God is sovereign over your infertility.
- God opens and closes the womb. Although caused by living in a post-Eden world, your infertility is His doing. He could choose to heal you. He could have opened your womb when you first asked Him. He has the power to grant life and to take life.
I have battled God over this issue of “sovereignty” for many years. It finally came to a head after years of infertility and then losing our first baby through miscarriage. God gave me the grace to trust that, “as for God, His way is perfect” (Psalm 18:30). You can read more about the comfort and grace of God through our journey with infertility on my blog: Trusting God when He Breaks Your Heart and Infertility, Miscarriage, and the Gospel.
5. We are called to follow Jesus.
- When walking through infertility, it’s hard not to envy the “Fertile-Myrtles.” It’s tempting to feel angry and resentful when friends complain about their pregnancies or talk about how little sleep they are getting now that they have a newborn. I have asked God “WHY?!” when He gives children to abusive or neglectful mothers but has closed my womb.
When Jesus tells Peter about the death that Peter will face for the glory of God, Peter’s first reaction is to ask Jesus, “What about John?” Isn’t that so typical of us? We see the hard and difficult way that God is leading us, and we say, “What about her? Why is it so easy for them?”
But Jesus answers Peter, “…What is that to you? You follow Me!” (John 21:22)
Keep your eyes on Jesus. Although the path may seem daunting and hedged with difficult days, your only call is to follow Him. The gifts and blessings that He bestows on both the evil and the good are His business and are quite outside of the purview of little lambs led by a Loving Shepherd.
6. God Sees
- Your heavenly Father knows how hard infertility or pregnancy loss is for you and your husband. He is touched with your grief and pain, and He feels compassion for you when you struggle and suffer heartache (Matthew 9:36).
In Genesis, Hagar calls out to the Lord and says, “You are a God who sees” (Genesis 16:13). God sees, friend. He sees your disappointment and heartbreak. He sees what you’re going through. You are not forgotten by God, and you are not going through this alone. He sees, and He never leaves you nor forsakes you (Hebrews 13:5).
Whether God gives you biological children, blesses you with adopted children, or calls you to serve Him in a capacity that never includes being a mother, He is faithfully working in your body and in your spirit to create a woman for the praise of His glory.
May the truth of the Word of God pierce your heart to bring you hope and healing, drawing you ever closer to the Fount of all rest and peace.
“Therefore, we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
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8 Comments on Hope for the Woman Going Through Infertility
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Came across this on Pinterest. VERY thankful I did too!!!! My husband and I have been TTC for almost 9 years!! We just finished our second round of fertility treatments and IUI… I find out for sure tomorrow if it took. But I think I have a BFN.. again. I trust God and His will… but I am tired, tired of the emotional roller coaster, tired of tears, heart brokenness, just tired. I am however VERY thankful I have God and his Holy Spirit to help me through this whole process! I have heartbreak everytime I get that BFN but I also have some sort of peace in me (Jesus). I know we will have our child one day and God will get all the Glory!!!
Anyways… thank you for sharing this! It was a God sent message for me. As I am sure it was for you too… :)
Brittany, I am so grateful that the Lord used this article to minister to you. I’m praying this afternoon for you, that the Lord would strengthen your heart as you draw near to Him. May He be your rest and peace, and I am confident that He is working in your life and that of your husband for HIS glory and fame. This song comes to mind as I read your comment, and I hope it might encourage you as it has encouraged me so many times. <3 .. amanda
Praying for you and your new little one, thankful for all you insight.
Hugs to you. <3
Yes and Amen!!!!! So thankful that He is sovereign, even over the hard things like infertility!