I’m so thankful you’ve all joined me for the Hope for Moms series this month! I hope you have been encouraged by all the topics we’ve covered {if you’re just joining us now, you can find the whole series right here!}
On this last day, I want to address a common problem I see among moms: judgment.
I’m not referring to the righteous judgment of the Bible here. I’m talking about the tremendous amount of cattiness, put-downs and criticism that occur specifically between Christian mothers.
Besides all the Biblical exhortations I could bring up to explain why we shouldn’t behave in this way, there’s the struggle that we all likely go through in figuring out how to handle the judgment that will surely come, especially in this “social media” age.
“Do not contend with a man without cause, if he has done you no harm.” Proverbs 3:30 NASB
I remember the first time I was criticized over a decision our family had made. With self-righteousness evident in her voice, the person made it clear that we were not doing the Godly thing and that our family would likely suffer for our decision (by the way, neither of those things rang true). It hurt, mostly because it was something that was not a Biblical absolute and yet the person was referring to it as though it was.
The reason I share this is because after I went though this experience, I began to realize how often I do the very same thing to my Christian friends. It might be only in my mind or in conversations with my husband, but I am often very critical over things that don’t really matter.
How do we deal with the uncomfortable feelings associated with being looked down upon by others in our mothering journey? Should we only be friends with people we have “just about everything” in common with in order to avoid these feelings?
If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Romans 12:18
This verse follows the Scriptures that tell us not to be conformed to the world but instead transformed and in that, not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to. What a high calling!
When we are confronted with judgment over things like parenting methods, schooling choices and health matters (vaccinations, homeschooling and Ferberizing, anyone?), we cannot control another’s response. It’s unfair to be criticized in such a way and it makes us afraid to share openly about the choices we’re making for our families, but our response can only be of one kind: grace.
That is SO hard to do, especially when our blood starts to boil and we want to fire back at the person criticizing us. Sometimes they really do have something to say and if it’s a trusted friend, we should listen to them. But I find that this type of behavior happens often on the internet, when we say behind a screen what we’d never have the guts to say in real life. However, it can also happen between real-life friends and even family members.
Let’s ask God to help us use wisdom during these times. Let’s live at peace with others as much as we can, not being a peacekeeper who compromises on truth, but a peacemaker who gives grace and forgiveness.
And that sometimes means getting to know people we won’t always agree with and finding common ground, or patiently bearing with their misunderstandings as they too bear with ours.
Many times it means praying, fervently, for the Lord to help us hold our tongues and respond in love.
Almost every time, it means stopping ourselves before we speak or type or let things get out of control and just remaining silent.
Dear mom who feels judged, submit your frustrations and fears to the Lord. Ask Him to help mold you through these times of unnecessary judgment and also to show you if what the person says is indeed something that deserves a second “look”. Know that when you are obeying God’s call on your life, living according to His Word (however those details play out in parenting, feeding your kids, vaccinating and schooling, etc), He is the one whose advice you can look to and always trust.
I hope you have been blessed by this series and have seen God’s grace and encouragement from the Word as well as practical helps to get you through the challenging moments of motherhood.
If you ever want to share your story, make a suggestion for a future post or just drop me a line, please feel free to email me at thepurposefulmom at live dot com!
WANT TO SPEAK WITH GRACE TO YOUR KIDS INSTEAD OF YELLING?
4 Comments on Hope for the Mom Who Feels Judged
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Beautiful prayer for moms who have been judged. A safe space for them to come and share. Congrats for reaching the finish line of the 31 day Challenge.
Jenn, I so enjoyed this post. Finding common ground is something I wish I would remember to do more often. You point out some helpful ways to stay in peace, even when we’re judged by others. That feeling is a rotten one. But one that Christ gives us the ability to overcome.
Thank you for that! I love the reminder that SO much of the judgment that gets passed around is about topics that the Bible really doesn’t have a lot to say about (what brand of diapers we used for our kids, or at what EXACT age we need to be potty-training). What wonderful freedom there is in Christ and His grace!