Five Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me as a New Mom

Now that my third child is 16 months {how can it be?}, I’m finding that I’ve come a long way in mothering knowledge. Believe me, I still have plenty of learning left, but at the same time there are some things important things I understand now that I didn’t have a clue about after my first little one came into the world.

Reading all the books and pamphlets I got from the doctor’s office and local library convinced me that I had what it took to be a smart, successful and well-prepared mom if I just believed in myself.

And I believed it. Yeah, I know.

But along the way, through the experiences of midnight diaper changes, spit-up that just-won’t-come-out-of-this-ridiculous-outfit!, spilled cereal bowls that leave dried splashes of milk all over my table legs, potty-training {also known as shameless bribery} and a broken collarbone, there are a few important things I’ve finally figured out that I’d like new moms to know. My two cents {for what it’s worth}!

Five Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me as a New Mom

1. Life actually does change when you have a child.

After our first son arrived, I just figured I’d kind-of pick up where I left off. It wasn’t that I didn’t love my baby with my whole heart, it’s just that I was convinced that I “shouldn’t let my child steal my life” and that I could be a “hot mama” {whatever that means! Because I’m pretty sure the only “hot” I felt post-partum was the hormonal body temperature fluctuations I experienced for several weeks after his birth}.

Now, I’m not saying that I didn’t want to go out anymore or that I never wanted to return to any of my previous interests, but it’s just that those interests took on a different spin. And I struggled with that for a long time, mostly because I am a very independent person.

Yet I prayed that the Lord would help me make my son a priority, because I was the only mother he had and I wanted to do the best I could. And as our life situation has changed many times in the past six and a half years, I’ve had to make adjustments based on what’s best for my children, while still maintaining {what I think is} a healthy social life. But it’s true what they say, life really does change when you have a baby. And that’s okay. Because it changes for the better!

The oldest, six, so proud of his “mechanic shop” he set up at the lake cabin

2. You don’t really need the wipes warmer. I promise.

I used to love looking through baby magazines at the cute nursery designs and sleek strollers and the things I just had to have for my precious little one! And then when our first child’s “nursery” was a bassinet that rolled back and forth between our bedroom and my husband’s office in our tiny, dorm apartment {yup, we lived in a men’s dorm with 18 and 19 year old guys for a year}, I came to the conclusion that maybe the baby wouldn’t notice if he didn’t have a matching crib set.

I love to decorate my kids’ rooms, but I make an attempt to do it on a budget {I’ll talk about how I do that in an upcoming post}. We’ve used the same stroller for all three kids and I much prefer Tupperware to toys with “lights and sounds”. I’ve slowly adopted my parent’s mantra that if you don’t have it, make do with what you have.

So just breathe a heavy warm breath on the baby wipe. Go on. No one will know.

3. And you thought getting up in the middle of the night was hard?

Well-meaning people and well-meaning publications make much of the fact that your baby’s first year is a tough and rewarding one, full of changes. From nighttime wakings to fussy cries, there are a myriad of things you need to adjust to as new parents. These things are all true, but what I never was told was how challenging it was to raise children once they hit the toddler stage! I often find myself muttering, “I wish I’d known _______ before I had kids.”

Now we’re learning how to encourage obedience in our children, how to teach good character and what to do when our kids have a spat for the eighty-sixth time that day. It teaches us valuable lessons as parents and is so worth it, but I realize now that it’s okay to admit that many days are harder than when they were sweet little babies!

Our daughter, who just turned 4!!

4. Motherhood is more than just trusting your instincts. Sometimes.

I vaguely remember someone telling me that I should just use my “instincts” as a mother when it came to solving problems. But while there are many women who breezed into motherhood naturally, I wasn’t one of them.

Some things I trust my gut on: the sense that it’s been too quiet in the house for too long, recognizing the difference between childishness and foolishness, the protective instinct that flares up when I think my children could be in danger. But there are many opportunities for learning how to raise my children through books, podcasts, videos and visits with my mom :) And independent woman that I am, I have embraced these tools, written by those wiser than I, wholeheartedly.

5. Before you know it, they’re six years old!

Many women have told me knowingly, “They just grow up too fast”. There was a time when I rolled my eyes at a comment like that!

But you know what? Now that my oldest has transitioned from a tiny baby to a first grader in the blink of an eye, I honestly believe that this “growing up” thing exists. I love the stages that my six, four and one year olds are in, but a wistful part of me tears up when I realize that I can’t go back to the times when they were gazing up at me and grasping my finger for the first time.

J at one month, now a 16 month toddler!

My prayer for you is that you will cherish your children and seek wisdom from the Lord in raising them, recognizing that it’s absolutely acceptable if your mothering doesn’t match up with the picture-perfect image that may be in your mind right now.

Because after all, they just grow up too fast.

Learn how to intentionally teach your children godly character, even when you’re busy! Inside you can find tons of spiritual and practical help, as well as printable character cards, in my new eBook, The Busy Mom’s Guide to Teaching Character!