February 14 is quickly approaching and you know what that means! Hallmark commercials, pink and red hearts and potentially disgruntled women whose husbands fail to meet their high expectations for a romantic evening.

It doesn’t have to be that way! As wives, we have the potential to make this holiday perfectly wonderful by romancing our husbands! Maybe this sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out. I’d like to share how I’m learning to change my attitude when I feel my husband neglects meeting my expectations and also some fun ideas for rekindling the fire with your spouse this Valentine’s Day.

When you were first married, what sweet things did your husband do for you? Did he write you poems or cute notes, give you sweet compliments or surprise you with flowers? These things all happened at first in my marriage but at some point they began fading away. Was it my husband’s fault? It certainly was, so I thought. But maybe, just maybe, I had something to do with it too!

Let’s switch perspectives: How did you act around your husband as a newlywed? When Kirk and I were first married, I was thrilled to be in his presence and would always greet him with a warm smile and kiss. Because we were both in school and working, I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible outside of those commitments and so we purposed to make the most of our days together. I was enthusiastic in my endeavor to “cozy up” our little apartment and make into a home. My mind was on how I could make our new life together enjoyable and fun.We made it fun because we were each other’s top priority and were committing to spending time together.

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Life became more complex when our first child was born and my priorities subtly began shifting to being the best mom I could be. I began putting lots of time and energy into sleep schedules, making my own baby food and reading books to my son. I didn’t even realize that my husband was no longer being treated as the most important person in my life. This continued to happen as we brought three more children into the world.

In Scripture, God calls us to “love one another earnestly from a pure heart” (1 Peter 1:22). To be earnest means to be:

  • serious in intention or purpose
  • zealous
  • showing depth and sincerity of feeling

It eventually dawned on me that I absolutely loved my husband just as much as when we were first married but the way I demonstrated that love was no longer as earnest as before! There came a point when it was necessary for me to come to God and ask Him to help me to zealously express my deep feelings for my husband and put him back in his rightful place as the most important person in my life, just as I had in the “honeymoon” stage of our marriage.


As I began putting my husband back on the top of my priority list, I found to my surprise that all the things I’d nagged him to do for years (in the emotional department) began happening again! The sweet words, compliments and flowers returned. I was thrilled! And I began to understand that when I acted on my feelings for my husband, he was more responsive to my feelings. It wasn’t the nagging that made the difference in his actions; it was the change in my attitude.

Obviously, I still slip up in this area often and will continue to through the rest of my marriage. We can’t be perfect, but that’s okay! If we struggle in this area, God gives us the grace we need and slowly changes our hearts. We can depend on Him to gives us the creativity and joy we are looking for as we show love to our husbands.

Morning Roses
photo credit

So in the spirit of these thoughts and of Valentine’s Day, I’d like to offer some simple suggestions that we wives can do as we play our part in the romance!

14 ways to rekindle the romance in your marriage

14 Ways to Rekindle the Romance in Your Marriage

  • Get up with your husband and chat with him in the morning before he leaves for work (if he’s normally up before you and you like to sleep in like me, this will be a good challenge!).
  • Pack a lunch you know he likes and tuck a love note in his lunch container.
  • Call him at work at an unexpected time and giggle as you sweet-talk him.
  • Buy him his favorite candy bar (you know, the one you don’t want him to eat because it’s unhealthy).
  • Praise your husband, both privately and publically. This is one thing that has such a huge impact both on our marriage and on my husband’s reputation with others.
  • Sit by him on the couch at the end of the day with no computer in your lap and just be there for him (ahem, note to self!).
  • Build up his confidence throughout the day by telling him things you love about him.
  • Praise your husband in front of your children! Tell your kids something that is really special about their dad and how much you appreciate all he does for the family.
  • Write him a love letter.
  • Resist the urge to correct him when he’s with the kids and just let him be the fun dad!
  • Flirt with him!
  • Grab his hand when you’re out in public or just passing by him at home.
  • Find the most romantic Valentine’s card you can (that suits you and your husband’s style) and give it to him on Valentine’s Day before a candlelight dinner (or dinner out if you can manage it). Write something intimate inside and enjoy his response to your flattery ;) )
  • Make a Valentine’s “Love Bucket” for him! Check out this cool gift idea at Hoosier Homemade–what an excellent choice for any husband and you can make it to suit his interests.
  • Pray for him! In the graphic below, there are 7 Scriptures you can pray for your husband–so powerful!

7 bible verses to pray for your husband

I hope these thoughts have been an encouragement to you. We really can have the best Valentine’s Day (and every day) possible by just a change in our thinking and a little extra effort. And we just might find that our own hopes and expectations for romance are met in the process!

How do you show your husband that you love him?


Love Never Fails – Blog Hop

Such a beautiful truth! Love these posts about different aspects of love. Practical and inspiring too!

I have joined with some lovely friends to bring you a Love Never Fails blog hop! We’re celebrating this beautiful truth with inspiration, encouragement, and practical helps for you this Valentine’s Day. Check out all of these AMAZING posts!! We hope you are blessed by it!

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30_Day_Marriage    Five Ways to Celebrate Valentine's Day SM    12666405_1246469272034225_1648786817_n

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photo: flickr/seyed mostafa zamani/text added


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7 Comments on 14 Ways to Rekindle the Romance in Your Marriage

  1. I love this list Jenn – I needed the reminder to romance my husband. I’m guilty of letting the distractions of life creep in and choke out much of the intimacy of our marriage. Thanks so much for this little nudge in the right direction!

  2. Great words of advice, Jenn! It’s so easy to look at our husbands and all we think they aren’t doing while not noticing all the kind words and actions that we are forgetting as wives.

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